wind chill

Anlamig ng panahon sa ngayon. At ito ay isang masayang bagay. Pwede na nating gayahin ang mga idol na F4 at maglayer layer baga ng damit. Pwede na rin tayong may scarf at bonnet, maski gloves pa tapos boots. Magandang excuse rin para yakapin ang katabi. Hindi nga lang maige na magsuot ng paldang pwedeng liparin ng hangin. Anu ba, para akong weather reporter/fashion consultant. Pero hindi . Gusto ko lang mangiti lalo pa't may mga taong tulad ni Ruth na gusto kong makita na naka off-shoulder daw na long sleeves dahil hinahayaan siya ng panahon. Siguro kung andito si Kate magugustuhan niya rin ang ganito. Siguro si Lorine hindi na yellow kundi ube na. Si Angeline kaya mas puputi? Si Leo siguro mawawala ang pimples dahil lesser oil. Si Kimie siguro nakababa ang windows at sumisigaw ng "Wooooo!" Si Gelene, finally, justified ang paglayer ng kasuotan. Ako, heto at giniginaw, nakabathrobe na galing sa Hawaii at iniisip kung kasama ko lang sana ang mga malalapit na kaibigan e di sana maiibsan ang pagkaulila ko sa kanila.

Smell me, I am infinite.

Every human being is created with such complexity. Nothing in language can capture the whole essence of even a single person. No matter how many times we try to understand each other and come to the conclusion that we do, there will always be something that we will miss. It might be a little detail like the wink of his eye or as big a fact as the wink of his eye. There will also be those things that we will wish not to see, something like the wink of his eye. And of course, there will be the things that we will always wish to see but never will. Wink of his eye. Never will. In spite of our will. Never.

So we resort to the assumption that what we know about someone is enough. This is not always because we wish to blind ourselves. Sometimes, it is because we have no choice but to accept the little we know. And cherish every particle of it as if all of his universe is uniformly composed of such.

That is the best choice.

No sense in frustrating how we came too close to someone we don't fully understand. No reason to fret why we did not know him enough to be able to foresee his departure.

_______________

Dang. My Myers-Briggs Personality Type has changed.
From an INFP, I am now an INTP. From a feeling person to a thinking person. Whatda. NOOOO.

young no more

I'm giving myself five minutes to say everything that I wish to announce in this public flea market of mine where I bargain my thoughts for free. That didn't make sense. Whatever.

Yesterday, I spent my day all alone. I was so bitter and lonely and everything else because I had nothing to eat. I tried cooking for myself but I ended up with medium rare longganisa and black sunny side up. darn. I am so incapable.

I woke up this morning thinking that I could finally eat REAL food because my parents were already here. But to my dismay, they didn't make breakfast for me because I usually wake up after lunch.

About to storm back to my room angrily, I realized something. ISA AKONG PALAMUNIN and I have no right to get angry, even just a little. I guess, I am really getting older because I am acknowledging my age right now or that there really exist something called age. I am 18 and I don't even know how to prepare a decent meal for myself. I am so dependent to my parents. And realizing that means I have to do something about it sooner. Just two more years... I need to give them back what they deserve.

Kidlat Tahimik's Talk

Nakonsensya akong ipost ng buo ang mga kuha ko sa Lopez Museum kasi bawal talaga magpichur. Kaya ayan, maliit lang at cropped!


I had to attend an artist's talk at the Lopez Memorial Museum. Mukhang meet and greet Kidlat Tahimik kasi yung mga tao doon parang tinuring siyang artista, with matching photo op after the discussion. Naiinis ako. Is this a proof of how showbusiness has affected people's way of thinking? Iniisiip ng lahat ng tao kapag may taong nagsalita sa harap blah blah eh kailangan ng atensyon. Buti hindi nila tinanong kung paano magsend ng text votes for him. Tinanong pa kung bakit Kidlat Tahimik ang pangalan niya. Although iniisip ko na rin yun on my way there. Kasi daw, he likes the idea of a silent energy at si Kidlat Tahimik daw ay character niya sa una niyang film.


O baka kaya iba ang dating niya kasi nga Indie filmmaker siya? Like what was said by our ACLE speaker- Sigfreid Sanchez, ang pinakabagong pick-up line na raw ay:
"Hi, I'm an indie filmmaker."


Been talking about this person, baka naman hindi niyo siya kilala. Before this event I've only heard him in some history related stuffs. I just knew he was a filmmaker/artist. At alam ko rin na he was a big name.
I learned a lot of insights from his talk. Not just artsy stuffs but generally about society. He was fed up with the city life. Nakatira na siya ngayon with the Ifugaos in Banaue planting rice. He started teaching the people there how to use the video camera to document their diminishing culture. Iniisip niya na in his little way, maibabalik niya ang pride in being an Ifugao sa kanila.


Just like Sigfreid Sanchez' message, he was trying to encourage people especially independent filmmakers to hear their social conscience. Make films, not for generating money and pleasing Mother Lily, but for the Filipino people to take pride in being a distinct culture.


He also coined his own term for describing the effects of globalization-- LAHARI-ZATION. He forsees the effect of it using the vast lahar plains caused by Mt. Pinaubo's erruption as a metaphor to a homoginized and boring world.

Last na. He also said something about an inner dwende. Ito raw ang unique entity in each of us. He said we have to listen to that voice instead of copying everything we see.



On my way home, I was trying to listen to that inner dwende of mine. Una sabi niya, pumunta daw ako sa Megamall at itry ang Kripy Kremes. And so I did. It was really nothing special. Para lang siyang yung donut na tinitinda sa kantong bakery except that the glaze was a little crispy. Sinayang ko lan ang pera ko. Tapos nung nasa tapat naman ako ng Cubao, inisip kong bumaba ng bus at tumungo sa Cubao X. Kahit silip lang ayos na. For a couple of minutes nakatigil yung bus. AT HINDI PA AKO NAGBABAYAD noon kaya I won't lose anything kung bumaba man ako. But I said no to myself. Iniisip ko kasi it's not time yet. daaaa.. andrama. At saka, mas "cinematic" isulat if this would remain a frustration kaysa pag natupad. haha etchos.


So I spent my bus ride time overthinking. Not thinking over. That would be an understatement. OVERTHINKING: Being an artist. Other people's lives. What is wrong with this country as reflected by the people I saw on the road. If it is right to let Ifugao and other tribes believe in many gods. How do I concieve success. Would I rather be a single parent. That UP students are trained to see that there is something in the world and that they have to make it better. That artists will always have an element of being egocentric. Am I causing moral deterioration by not paying that bus ride. And many more.

I can't help but smile. :D

Today made me smile a lot already. I love smiling today. I'm such a giddy giddy person. And today, I am not annoyed by it.

I realized how fun it is to spend time with people. In my UP Diliman life rght now, solitude is so permanent such that being wih other people is a strange occurence. I was telling some of my friends how this kind of environment can cause my insanity. Fortunately, my mind is still in tact and functioning. Good.

Today, we had an activity for motor sports (my PE class) a la Amazing Race. It was so fun. We got lost in the middle of the race but when we realized our fault, the adventure went smooth. It was like playing photohunt on the road. I wish the HIV could do this for the summer outing. Maybe Kate can plan the race for us. haha

Pizza-All-You-Can @ Greenwich

CARLO: Anna Lee, Pizza-all-you-can tayo!

ANNA LEE: Sige. Kaso SELECTED establishments lang daw yun eh.

CARLO: Talaga? sana SELECTED yung sa SM.

I had a good laugh on this one. Kung hindi niyo gets kung bat ako natawa, hayaan niyo na lang. Baka nadaan lang sa delivery.

After the PE class, Carlo and I spent more than an hour munching pizza slices. I love the pepperoni flavored better. I ate a total of six slices plus some bits of the seventh. I tried so hard to eat up my last slice but the mere aroma of the cheese made me dizzy already. Too bad Leo came late for my left-over. haha. Carlo ate seven slices so I was not really behind him. And I am not really sure if this is a good one for me. I haven't had dinner but I still have a full stomach. I can't even drink too much water.

This Saturday, another adventure awaits me. I am so excited, I can't help but smile when I told my father about it. Parang last Saturday lang, girl's nightout with Kimie, Gelene and Hannah (CineKatipunan). And then this Saturday, another trip again. Lalalala.. Artsy trips thrill me.

jitters, anxiety, butterflies,etc.

I am really bothered because I couldn't find the right term to describe the physical state I am whenever I'm nervous.

Do you have anything to call the overall sensation of wobbly knees, two invisible hands pressing on each side of your head and heart diving deeper inside your chest?

Everytime I experience that kind of thing, I always feel defeated by the circumstances, as if I can't contest with the external universe.

But I am not nervous anymore. My heart, not counting feet below chest level anymore. Actually, it's in my sleeve already.

See? It's the one that bears no single name.

Honesty?

I failed to pass one of my papers in Hum2 because I wasn't able to watch the required material. Why? Because I was absent during our last meeting last year. But don't judge me right away. I did everything I could do to watch it. I even went to UP last Wednesday with that as my only intent. And please consider that a trip to UP for me is almost a hundred peso worth of money and an hour of travel time.

Unfortuntely, I was so stupid to not knock on a locked office door. I thought the audio visual person was already home, as indicated by his where-I-am-right-now chart.

The night before the special deadline set by my prof, I was so torn between inventing things just to make a paper and missing the requirement for the sake of being honest. With the help of my laziness, I decided to not pass anything. I was telling myself that I'd rather look irresponsible than pass a paper that showcases my oblivion about the topic. I'd rather get singko than pass a reaction paper packed with fiction.

This may be haughtiness for some but I call it a principle of mine.

I also sent a email to my prof telling the same story and asking for her consideration so I could pass the following week.

And this was her reply:

"next week then. thanks for your honesty. really appreciate that."

YESSS!

Happy New Year

by Camera Obscura

Did the ironing in a cowboy hat

felt as fresh as the paint in this new flat

I will never tell you what to do

have ambition simply to see things through

Did you know I could be a lot of fun

I'm aware that friendship can die young

as the glow from the street light bled

down the Langlands Road we set off the best of friends

I know where I stand

I don't need you to hold my hand

Well, I've tried to get along with you

I have asked myself "What are we gonna do?"

I'm coming round to take a stand

going to put us together with glue or an elastic band

I know where I stand

I don't need you to hold my hand

I am softer than my face would suggest

at times like these I'm at my lowest ebb

now I can confide in you if I cry to set the mood

oh please could you cry too

Happy new year

you are my only vice

what if we compromised?

I am open

Do you have to wear a frown like that?

you could have hit me with a baseball bat

Do you want to? (yes I do)

Do you have to? (So do you)

Do you want to? (So do you)

_____
This is so cute! And the title goes well these days. haha... Books Written For Girls is a good song too. Camera Obscura makes me smile all the time. lalalalalala..

It's 2007 Anna Lee. Will you please be a little bit more serious on getting the things that you want?

Hay. New year's resolutions? At first, I wasn't planning on listing any but I figured how bad I had been during the previous year. Let me start the exhibition of this coveted (daa) list by a resolution directly related to what you are reading now: learning to capitalize (Now roll your eyes back to the preceeding statements. Anything that breaks my resolution?).

Actually, that first resolution was just an attempt to make this entry longer. I only decided to plan one change this year: to stop depreciating myself in terms of my artistic endeavors.

During the past year, I had been hiding all the frustrations and fears.

The process of writing this entry is taking quite sometime. Oh no, not because of my capitalizing disorder (althoug it could count). It's because I am not really good at sounding optimistic and in telling the world that I am a pessimist. All I really wanted was to be right and good.

And once again, I am not making sense.

I chanced upon my Hum2 readings during one of my sleepless mornings. There was this article entitled Crafting An Artistic Self. It sounded like a self-help article but I read it anyway.

"Artists are at liberty to truly liberate a 'self' by assuming

extravagant disguises and enacting outrageous behaviors." (ahh..ok.)

Then the next articles were Expressing An Artistic Attitude, Choosing A Mission and the last was Measuring Success. They were like articles you read before you audition for a reality ARTIST(minus the a) search. Or maybe the bunch of things they teach in America's Next Top Model. Some of the points made sense. But as an active reader (and a communication resarch student!), I declined to make them the dogma of how I could be.

pasukan na uit sa thursday.

huhu..

kelangan nang balikan ang mga readings at homeworks.

paalam buhay tamad.

for others, the new year might be a way to welcome changes. but not for me. i was fed up with those before 2006 ended. changes are not new anymore. changes are cliches for me right now.

this 2007, i want to grow back in time. maybe, i'm just getting tired of trying to outgrow things. i just thought it would be better to be young forever, even just in a subtle way-- be a child.

as part of this going back in time thing... huhuhu.. i dont want digital cameras no more. i want a lomo pop9, dalek super sampler, oktomat or colorsplash (but this is a little more expensive) or a holga. or any lomo camera. but first, i have to learn how to develop photos. haha.. im such a dreamer. perhaps, i have to take film110 or just ask kimie and hannah to teach me.

edit: grabe. sabi ko na nga ba, may lahi ka ni marky cielo kya kahawig mo si jack. baguio boy ka pala. pagakataon nga nman.. may silbi rin naman pala na gising ng ganitong panahon, nalaman ko pa numero mo ng walang effort. malay ko bang ikaw pala yun. wiii..tulugan na (finally!)

BOOM!

when you here the news about how many firework accidents have occured, please remember that my poor brother was part of that statistic.

poor RA..

he burned four of his fingers in his right hand due to a used fountain that had been rekindled. so we went to a district hospital near us. it wasn't like the chaotic scenes in other major hospitals. instead, it was a little depressing because the facilities were.. ahm.. wait, they had no facilities. no x-ray. no surgeons. no ob-gyne. no varied syringes- just those 5cc type.

hayy.. where do the taxes go?

and before we went out of the hospital, a man came there..he was stabbed. ewwness.

but no matter how gory, bloody or sordid this night had been for anyone, the year had still changed. and what more can i say but a wish that next year will be better for each of us.

MWAH!