The heart's day is done

This is kind of late but I hope all of you had a happy day.

I did!

Thanks to Hannah Caloi and Gelene.
(Plus the "itlog" that really made me laugh!)

"learn how to segregate your hearts"

at Vinzon's Hall while waiting for Gelene

onti na lang macoconvince na ulit akong mag-LJ.

hahaha

A Day. It was that simple.

(Sana may LJ-cut ulit)

Kakaiba ang araw na ito. I love every minute detail of it. Mukhang natutunan ko na namang hanapin si Happyness sa mga bagay-bagay. Yey!

Nagsimula ang araw sa series of kamalasan. Traffic at walang masakyan. Sakto pa, reporting ko sa first subject. At heto pa, ni hindi man lang ako nagbasa nung irereport. Sa bagay, anu nga namang bago sa hindi ko pag-aaral. O basta ayun, lampas 30mins akong late, buti na lang late din lahat ng ka-group ko kaya hindi nagsimula. Pero naman, kabobohan ko. I misinterpreted something about Cesar Legaspi.

Prof: Sigurado ka ba diyan sa nabasa mo?

Me: Opo, nabasa ko po eh (at sa pagkakaalala ko nakabold pa yung text) na may Chiaroscuro collection of paintings si Legaspi.

Prof: Anung source mo diyan? Baka nalilito ka lang. LOLO ko kasi si Legaspi.

Me: OH. (nervously rummages her readings) Ay Ma'am sorry po.

I looked so stupid. Garr. I was even stuttering during the report. Kailan ko ba maacquire ang communication skills ng karamihan sa kolehiyo ko?!

(AY! While typing this post, I found out that the Chiaroscuro by Cesar Legaspi was really a series of paintings. Yes I was right. But still, I looked stupid. sheesh. I'll redeem myself next meeting.)

Habang pababa ako ng hagdanan pagkatapos ng klase na 'yon sobrang nahihiya ako sa sarili ko. Sinusumbatan ko siya: "Ah Anna Lee, ikaw ba yung may sabing MAHAL mo ang sining? Ni hindi mo nga maintindihan mga pinagsasasabi mo eh." OUCH.

Dinaan ko na lang sa pakikinig ng musika ang kahihiyan ko. Tapos, tumungo sa Arki para sa susunod na klase. Mga 2 oras pa bago mag-time kaya naman natulog muna ako sa himig ng What A Wonderful World na version ni James Morrison. It turned out na parang free day pala kami sa klaseng iyon kaya Jenny and I had an hour and a half to stray.

Guess where we went?

Inaya ko siya sa FA. BOOHOO sobrang pagfifeeling na yan ah. Jenny and I talked about artsy stuffs over her pieces of siomai. Fun!

Fast forward...

After my last class, I headed to our previous neghborhood to get the old SLR camera from my Tito. Yes, I got it! Bago ako makarating sa bahay, tinext ako ng tatay ko, isasabay daw ako. Hintayin ko daw siya sa XY coordinate na siya namang ginawa ko. Pero nung andun na siya, kinailngan ko pang gawing parke ang highway ng C5 para lang makarating sa kanya. Naglakad ako sa gilid ng island. Lahat ng mga truck driver sinusutsutan ako kasi napakaalanganin ng pinili kong maging catwalk. Maryosep.

Pero napakasaya ng pakiramdam-- na hindi ako natakot magmukhang tanga (at mamatay as well. haha).

Pagsakay ko sa kotse, dinaldal ko ang tatay ko tungkol sa mga artistic endeavors niya nung mga panahong kinamayan pa siya ni Imelda sa kahusayan niya sa isang painting contest. Pati artistic roots sa pamilya niya chinika ko. Natuwa ako sa ideya na yung isang kong tito nakatapos ng Mechanical Eng'g pero hindi siya nagpractice out of his "love for art." Sa pagkakaalala ko nagtayo siya ng business, silkscreen ata tapos may recording something. Hindi ko mawari ang terminolohiya, antanda na kasi. Sana buhay pa siya ngayon edi sana idol ko siya kasi hindi rin ako magppractice ng tatapusin kong kurso. HAHAHA joke (half-meant)!

Ayon. Pag-uwi namin ng bahay, pinageksperimentuhan ko yung... err hindi ko alam ang tawag. Basta mga heart-shaped stuffs at kung anu-ano pa. Kay saya talaga. Sabi ko dati sa sarili ko, Sabado lang dapat dinadama ang sining. Ay hindi ko kayang pigilan eh.

Anyone who knows kung anung tawag sa pa-epek na yan? Basta para siyang mga slides na minamount sa SLR, pero nilagay ko sa digicam. Haha

while waiting..

I'm anxiously waiting for the hair dye to take its effect on my hair. I'm kind of scared.

Yesterday was a fine fine day. I'm not really big on bare-bones entries but I really want to materialize the day's happening.

To have met five HIV friends in one day made it like that. And also the new haircut that robbed any girliness I could ever have. Anyway, I like it. After class, I met Leo at AS so he could accompany me for the haircut session. Then, on the Ateneo area, I saw someone whose blog I was reading online. Wala lang, nakakatuwa. Then, we headed to SM for the meeting. Basta, it was a normal meeting with friends, the overtime on fastfood establishments, the conversations about anything-- from Ruth's insecurity complex with someone, to xientian gossips, to college issues, to missing people, etc. It was like the days when everything was so easy, and when we don't have to wait more than a month just to meet each other.

See, going to SM and meeting friends is already a big deal for us now.Things do change. But sometimes, it's still nice to halt changes in order to give way to some things we wish would be forever.

(sayang, no one brought a camera.)

____
Edit: Raarrr.. Bakit napakaminimal ng effect nung dye? Bakit mukhang brown at hindi purple? sad..

"Ate, bakit ba walang pera basurero?"

She asked me that question while we were having lunch and the garbage truck passed by. Oo nga naman, bakit ba walang pera eh may trabaho naman, marangal, may pakinabang. Pero why? WHY? WHY?!

Una kong naisip isagot: una kasing dapat tanong, bakit ba basurero lang sila. Pero hindi ko sinabi kasi naisip ko rin, eh ano naman kung hindi sila nakapag-aral? Kapag ba lahat ng tao nakapag-aral hindi na natin kailangan ng basurero? I don't think so.

So malamang ang sagot na naman diyan eh ang stratification ng ating society. I am so much of a mind person kaya feeling ko wala akong karapatang kwestyunin kung bakit ba mas mahal ang bayad pag ginagamitan ng isip ang trabaho mo kaysa sa ginagamitan ng katawan. Sabi nga ng National Bookstore, invest in your mind.

Sabi dati sa anthro, ganoon daw talaga, yung mga scholars they put the mind above the body. Pero isipin natin thoughts are useless without actions. Kailangan talaga we view them equally, that human beings are composed of a dyad that defines their limitations and capacities.

the rest of the photos here

When

I

realized

how I cannot

be forever

afraid

of using color

Talk to me

watercolour pencil on paper

062906

Kidlat Tahimik's Talk

Nakonsensya akong ipost ng buo ang mga kuha ko sa Lopez Museum kasi bawal talaga magpichur. Kaya ayan, maliit lang at cropped!


I had to attend an artist's talk at the Lopez Memorial Museum. Mukhang meet and greet Kidlat Tahimik kasi yung mga tao doon parang tinuring siyang artista, with matching photo op after the discussion. Naiinis ako. Is this a proof of how showbusiness has affected people's way of thinking? Iniisiip ng lahat ng tao kapag may taong nagsalita sa harap blah blah eh kailangan ng atensyon. Buti hindi nila tinanong kung paano magsend ng text votes for him. Tinanong pa kung bakit Kidlat Tahimik ang pangalan niya. Although iniisip ko na rin yun on my way there. Kasi daw, he likes the idea of a silent energy at si Kidlat Tahimik daw ay character niya sa una niyang film.


O baka kaya iba ang dating niya kasi nga Indie filmmaker siya? Like what was said by our ACLE speaker- Sigfreid Sanchez, ang pinakabagong pick-up line na raw ay:
"Hi, I'm an indie filmmaker."


Been talking about this person, baka naman hindi niyo siya kilala. Before this event I've only heard him in some history related stuffs. I just knew he was a filmmaker/artist. At alam ko rin na he was a big name.
I learned a lot of insights from his talk. Not just artsy stuffs but generally about society. He was fed up with the city life. Nakatira na siya ngayon with the Ifugaos in Banaue planting rice. He started teaching the people there how to use the video camera to document their diminishing culture. Iniisip niya na in his little way, maibabalik niya ang pride in being an Ifugao sa kanila.


Just like Sigfreid Sanchez' message, he was trying to encourage people especially independent filmmakers to hear their social conscience. Make films, not for generating money and pleasing Mother Lily, but for the Filipino people to take pride in being a distinct culture.


He also coined his own term for describing the effects of globalization-- LAHARI-ZATION. He forsees the effect of it using the vast lahar plains caused by Mt. Pinaubo's erruption as a metaphor to a homoginized and boring world.

Last na. He also said something about an inner dwende. Ito raw ang unique entity in each of us. He said we have to listen to that voice instead of copying everything we see.



On my way home, I was trying to listen to that inner dwende of mine. Una sabi niya, pumunta daw ako sa Megamall at itry ang Kripy Kremes. And so I did. It was really nothing special. Para lang siyang yung donut na tinitinda sa kantong bakery except that the glaze was a little crispy. Sinayang ko lan ang pera ko. Tapos nung nasa tapat naman ako ng Cubao, inisip kong bumaba ng bus at tumungo sa Cubao X. Kahit silip lang ayos na. For a couple of minutes nakatigil yung bus. AT HINDI PA AKO NAGBABAYAD noon kaya I won't lose anything kung bumaba man ako. But I said no to myself. Iniisip ko kasi it's not time yet. daaaa.. andrama. At saka, mas "cinematic" isulat if this would remain a frustration kaysa pag natupad. haha etchos.


So I spent my bus ride time overthinking. Not thinking over. That would be an understatement. OVERTHINKING: Being an artist. Other people's lives. What is wrong with this country as reflected by the people I saw on the road. If it is right to let Ifugao and other tribes believe in many gods. How do I concieve success. Would I rather be a single parent. That UP students are trained to see that there is something in the world and that they have to make it better. That artists will always have an element of being egocentric. Am I causing moral deterioration by not paying that bus ride. And many more.

I can't help but smile. :D

Today made me smile a lot already. I love smiling today. I'm such a giddy giddy person. And today, I am not annoyed by it.

I realized how fun it is to spend time with people. In my UP Diliman life rght now, solitude is so permanent such that being wih other people is a strange occurence. I was telling some of my friends how this kind of environment can cause my insanity. Fortunately, my mind is still in tact and functioning. Good.

Today, we had an activity for motor sports (my PE class) a la Amazing Race. It was so fun. We got lost in the middle of the race but when we realized our fault, the adventure went smooth. It was like playing photohunt on the road. I wish the HIV could do this for the summer outing. Maybe Kate can plan the race for us. haha

Pizza-All-You-Can @ Greenwich

CARLO: Anna Lee, Pizza-all-you-can tayo!

ANNA LEE: Sige. Kaso SELECTED establishments lang daw yun eh.

CARLO: Talaga? sana SELECTED yung sa SM.

I had a good laugh on this one. Kung hindi niyo gets kung bat ako natawa, hayaan niyo na lang. Baka nadaan lang sa delivery.

After the PE class, Carlo and I spent more than an hour munching pizza slices. I love the pepperoni flavored better. I ate a total of six slices plus some bits of the seventh. I tried so hard to eat up my last slice but the mere aroma of the cheese made me dizzy already. Too bad Leo came late for my left-over. haha. Carlo ate seven slices so I was not really behind him. And I am not really sure if this is a good one for me. I haven't had dinner but I still have a full stomach. I can't even drink too much water.

This Saturday, another adventure awaits me. I am so excited, I can't help but smile when I told my father about it. Parang last Saturday lang, girl's nightout with Kimie, Gelene and Hannah (CineKatipunan). And then this Saturday, another trip again. Lalalala.. Artsy trips thrill me.

Honesty?

I failed to pass one of my papers in Hum2 because I wasn't able to watch the required material. Why? Because I was absent during our last meeting last year. But don't judge me right away. I did everything I could do to watch it. I even went to UP last Wednesday with that as my only intent. And please consider that a trip to UP for me is almost a hundred peso worth of money and an hour of travel time.

Unfortuntely, I was so stupid to not knock on a locked office door. I thought the audio visual person was already home, as indicated by his where-I-am-right-now chart.

The night before the special deadline set by my prof, I was so torn between inventing things just to make a paper and missing the requirement for the sake of being honest. With the help of my laziness, I decided to not pass anything. I was telling myself that I'd rather look irresponsible than pass a paper that showcases my oblivion about the topic. I'd rather get singko than pass a reaction paper packed with fiction.

This may be haughtiness for some but I call it a principle of mine.

I also sent a email to my prof telling the same story and asking for her consideration so I could pass the following week.

And this was her reply:

"next week then. thanks for your honesty. really appreciate that."

YESSS!

It's 2007 Anna Lee. Will you please be a little bit more serious on getting the things that you want?

Hay. New year's resolutions? At first, I wasn't planning on listing any but I figured how bad I had been during the previous year. Let me start the exhibition of this coveted (daa) list by a resolution directly related to what you are reading now: learning to capitalize (Now roll your eyes back to the preceeding statements. Anything that breaks my resolution?).

Actually, that first resolution was just an attempt to make this entry longer. I only decided to plan one change this year: to stop depreciating myself in terms of my artistic endeavors.

During the past year, I had been hiding all the frustrations and fears.

The process of writing this entry is taking quite sometime. Oh no, not because of my capitalizing disorder (althoug it could count). It's because I am not really good at sounding optimistic and in telling the world that I am a pessimist. All I really wanted was to be right and good.

And once again, I am not making sense.

I chanced upon my Hum2 readings during one of my sleepless mornings. There was this article entitled Crafting An Artistic Self. It sounded like a self-help article but I read it anyway.

"Artists are at liberty to truly liberate a 'self' by assuming

extravagant disguises and enacting outrageous behaviors." (ahh..ok.)

Then the next articles were Expressing An Artistic Attitude, Choosing A Mission and the last was Measuring Success. They were like articles you read before you audition for a reality ARTIST(minus the a) search. Or maybe the bunch of things they teach in America's Next Top Model. Some of the points made sense. But as an active reader (and a communication resarch student!), I declined to make them the dogma of how I could be.

pasukan na uit sa thursday.

huhu..

kelangan nang balikan ang mga readings at homeworks.

paalam buhay tamad.

giddiness, goodness!

unang beses ko pa lang to nakita, nagustuhan ko na.

at kahit hindi na gumagana, sobrang natutuwa pa rin ako sa kanya.

ayaw kasi ibigay sa akin yung buong set eh. sayang.

sa ngayon, umiikot lang ang buhay ko sa bagong lumang bahay na nilipatan namin.

pati na rin sa paggawa ng mga takdang aralin--mag-diary at magsketch ng landscapes.

napakapayapa ng buhay.

onga pala, wag kayong manunuod ng tenacious d na movie kung ayaw niong masayang pera ninyo. kunglibre, wag pa rin, sayang ang oras ninyo. hay naku.

LOVE is like..

nagmula ang mighty ideya nito sa autograph ng aking kapatid. nakasulat kasi dun sa define love nia:

LOVE IS LIKE AN ONION. IT MAKES YOU CRY.

kaya kanina, together with leo and gelene, nagisip pa kami ng ibang metaphors. tpos ang-haba ng byahe sa fx kaya nman nag-isip pa ako ng iba.

LOVE IS LIKE...
a taxi. it takes you wherever you want to go.
an ikot jeep. it turns your world around.
a UP-SM north jeep. it comes rarely.
a lantern. it parades.huh?!
a bridge game because you need a partner.
a bridge game again. it requires you to bid your emotions.
a plant. it grows.
an ID. you cannot enter heaven without it.
Kate. it was gone even before you knew it.
Gelene. it's for jokes.
Leo. it sucks. bwahaha
my test papers. there is always something wrong with it.
playing dance maniax. sometimes, you fail.
a christmas tree. it has balls. (huh?!)
a poste/ a rock. it's hard.
a dengue mosquito. it breeds in stagnant water.
sun cellular. it makes you wait for a signal.
a check mark. it makes everything right.
the Bantigue family's vios. it brings JOY everywhere. HAHA
Manny Pacquiao/ nursing students. it's everywhere.
Jennylyn Mercado. it leaves a MARK.
a computer game. it makes you want to kill.
an electric fan. it blows you away.
a computer mouse. it points you to the right direction.
Commonwealth Avenue/ the FX line. you get stuck in it.
dinner. you can't have it once you're late.
a dictionary. it has many definitions.

hmmm.. may naiisip pa ba kau?
dali dadagan natin!

grabe. ang-layo nga ng bahay namin. ngayon ay nag-sink in na siya ng maige sa utak ko. tapos wala pang pagkain pagdating. huhu..kawawa naman ako.

excited na ako for lantern parade. wiiiii..

“If you are distressed by anything external,

the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it;

and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

--Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

i want to borrow myself from me. then, i would let her go. away from everything i have been putting myself through, for the sake of being good and for the benefit of the world around.

my life is so dull and planned right now. it is only you that makes it a bit exciting. and though you wouldn't probably reach this..im still extending my appreciation. you make me feel like i am a child and you are someone older, someone ready to pat me on the back and tell me about the strange world we both have chosen to exist.

sometimes, i wish i could be more nosy and inquisitive in front of you. but somehow, words turn into doubt whenever they attempt to materialize into something you could decipher.

and when sometimes, words indeed come out as themselves, you would then begin to evacuate from the spot called interested. a tinge of disappointment reaches my heart. the lollipop was taken back from a child. and so i dance away from our tryst in blinding manner. to forget about the disappointment would be my main concern. i wouldn't even bother comprehend about what has transpired. to be numb is to be strong about it.

moving out is hard to do.

napakanakakapagod. bukod pa dun ang nakakasakit ng ulo na amoy ng pintura. hayy..daming alikabok. daming iniimpake. daming nililinis. kelan kaya ako makakahiga at makakatulog ng maayos?

andami ko pang gustong gawin sa buhay ko ngayon. gusto kong magadvance reading sa mga subjects ko para this week eh mapagtuunan ko ng pansin ang pagpapaganda ng kwarto ko. gusto ko ng mural sa kwarto ko at sa ceiling. wait, mural pa ba ang tawag pag sa ceiling? basta ganun.

excited na rin ako sa pag-edit ng mga vintage clothes na napulot ko sa bahay na lilipatan namin. ang gaganda ng dresses at ng mga bags. yung iba from Paris pa sosyal. nung sinusukat ko sabi ni mama mukha raw akong mula sa ibang panahon. meron atang 3 black and white polka dot dresses. ansayaaaa..

at lalaki na rin ang kwarto ko. yey. amazing, sa buong bahay, sa kwarto ko lang may signal ang sun. kakaiba talaga ang sun.
hayy..kay raming pagbabago sa buhay ko. lipat-bahay at ang pag-alis ni kate. eh parang yun na nga buong buhay ko ah--- aral, lakwatsa, uwi. pero soon madadagdagan na yan. kailangang matuto at masanay sa buhay na wala ang mga bagay na nakasanayan.

it's time to grow
.

sali rin kayo..bilissss

"As part of a new BBC season called Generation Next, we want to see your pictures of how you spend your leisure time.. "

here's the link.

binigay yan ng prof ko. parang ansaya eh. bilis malapit na ang deadline. go go go.

---------

kfc photo was from ruth's camera

jump shot was taken at hannah's

a night preceeded by a day

"this is a night preceeded by a day that i have managed to forget about you. I was distracted by everything else in the world. its movement somehow, caused y life to move too. the day was a reflection of how simple i desire my life to be. the day is when i get to play around. and when the whole world is my disneyland.

this is a night when darkness creeps in and favours your return. i, once again remembers you, almost like a diety in my mind. in pitch-black, i see your shadows and smell your quiddity. my eyes are all shut tonight for they drowned in habitual tears and can no longer move to the surface and marvel at reality- a reality without you.

this is the night when after having the conclusion that i have moved on, the adamant moon presses rewind...and so, i am once again back to where i was before i woke up-- in a recurring dream of you and me. "