the irony of it.

blogger sucks.

ayaw magupload ng photos.

epal.

naiinis na ako.
naiinis na talga.

skjhfuiowrqisugjrepoyogrjogjregtprwg316t8dfb325jh3763hwlsfhgpgjgkgfka!!!!!!!

hay.

visit my LJ account because i wont be updating this for a while.

my new disorder

is there such a psychological disorder about the distortion of one's perception of time? i already have 4 experiences wherein i didn't realize that the time inside my head was not the time of the outside world.

freaky.

but there is something freakier than that.

i will be going to binondo church tomorrow to meet someone i haven't seen ever-- my survey team leader. i dont know anything about places in manila. i feel so helpless. huhu.. anyone who wants to accompany me? (pwede ba yung may car?)

once again, i tried to blame all my misfortunes to my father, for not teaching how to drive! ARGH! i want to learn how to drive...mali pla.. I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE.

goodluck na lang sa akin bukas sa Binondo. huhu.. naiiyak na ako. huhuhu talaga..

my blog is so boring.

i've made some changes due to my desire to migrate to beta which i successfully did. yey! i previewed the visual result and i found it too boring. so, i decided to post some happy photos.

ruth, carlo, kimie, kate and i @ cleyr's debut

each of us wants to be stuck somewhere we can't stay forever. the recurrence of such liking, i believe, makes us all human. personally, i want to stay inside my room forever, somewhere i can build my own world and not be judged for having one.

victor basa is so gorgeous. i just wished that ABS won't make a dupe out of him and capitalize on his gorgeousness. mukhang siyang tanga sa ASAP. sayang...

i love LOST. it's such a pity that i only got to watch the last three episodes for the season. they gave me nightmares. the variety of characters stayed within the confines of my imagination longer than the freaky bride in Sukob. it was psychologically disturbing for me. and i am so happy about it.

it makes me feel so good when something disturbs my mind. disturbance makes the state of mind unbalanced. therefore, it encourages homeostasis. achieveing balance may not be the most enjoyable quest but it is so fun to discover the equifinality aspect of life-- that goals can be achieved in a variety of ways. hayy.. complexities.

the other night, i had a dream about my mother owning a new cellphone. then the next morning, caloi had a new one. last night i had a dream that my father got a million peso in cash, i wonder who would be having such in real life. SHARE!

what is optimism?

"what's wrong with living in a dream world?
---you have to wake up. " (the secret life of bees)



















what's good about living in a nightmare?

--you can still wake up.

hayyy.. sana maging masaya ka.

sana sana sana talaga! :D

ARTWORK.

tomorrow will be a normal day.
normal.
normal.
normal.


i must not expect anything.









(pero secret lang natin ah. natatakot na talaga ako. kasama sa list ng fears ko ang pagpapakita sa ibang tao ng aking mga gawa. dapat minimal lang ang effort ko sa gawa na to para hindi ako masyadong maattach. hayy.. insecurities.)




sabi nga ni leo, bahala na ang justice league!

life cycles

awww.. i almost ended my 3-year affair with blogger. for a couple of minutes, i decided to close this one and continue blogging in LJ. but then again, i realized how cute pics appear in blogger and other things..so, to maximize the beauty of blogspot, i decided to post our photoshoot pics.

pagpasensyahan niyo na, puyat lang kami kaya kung au-anong kalokohan na ginawa namin.

back when we were

young.
oh no no..younger.



(yeah, that's what i'm talking about.)

and learning about ties and edges,
and corkscrew and bottles..

enjoying the habits.
cycling everything from day to day to day.
then. suddenly.

we settle to be part of a pair.

to settle for interdependence.

pakikiramay

nung tuesday may isang kawawang kitten na nasa tapat ng bintana ng kwarto ko. edi ayan, nalibang naman ako kasi kulay black siya tas anlungkot niya. picture perfect talaga! sige lang picture lang ako ng picture.

makalipas ang ilang minuto..
bumuhos ang ulan. nakakaawa siya kasi hindi pa developed ang eyesight niya. hindi niya alam kung saan siya pupunta. lalagyan ko sana siya ng pantakip para hindi siya mabasa kaso nga lang may harang ang window ko kaya hindi ko siya maabot. buti na lang lumapit siya.

tuwang-tuwa naman ako kasi feeling ko naligtas ko yung kawawang pusa mula sa malakas na ulan...

kahapon bago ako bumangon narinig ko yung mga bata sa labas: "ayy kadiri naman butas-butas pa yung katawan!" i was still in denial. ayaw ko pang tignan. tapos kanina nagreklamo yung kapatid ko, bakit daw ambaho. hanggang sa maamoy ko na rin.

ahhhh! hindi ko matanggap na pinaghirapan ko pang gawan siya ng pantakip sa ulan..nagasgas pa yung kamay ko. tapos mamatay lang pala siya! sa bagay, hindi naman niya siguro choice na mamatay agad. at sa bagay ulit, lahat naman ng pusa eh namamatay.

ambobo, pero parang nabuhay lang ata ang kitten na iyon para maging subject ng mga photos na ito. kaya ito, im extending the existence of that kitten, kahit man lang sa blog ko.

hindi man lang siya nabigyan ng name. huhuhu..

parang bigla tuloy akong natakot mamatay. yung pakiramdam na bigla na lang malilimutan ang lahat ng pinaghirapan mo nung buhay ka pa. sana mamatay ako in a dramatic way, as in kontrobersyal. ayaw kong mamatay dahil sa katandaan. gusto kong maging tulad ni Jesus at ni Plato na namatay at the peak of their fame (yaaak as if sisikat ako!) kaya naman yung legacy nila eh nagpersist. ayokong mabalewala ang buhay ko matapos kong mabuhay. kaya as much as possible, gusto kong dinodocument ang nangyayari sa akin para naman may memories!

hayy naku, yung kitten kasi eh!
sana nasa heaven na siya..

i really love this photograph.dati ko pa to nakita at natuwa akong gawan ng mga istorya. pero etong version na to ang paborito ko! andrama, oo. well, that's me!

(shit! ayaw malagay nung photo.. click nio na lang)

i want to go to you.

i want to hold your hand as i mention every single thing i like about you. you are one person that deserves a second look. but i went beyond what you deserve. i stared at you as if nothing else exists. i never thought that a single touch would cause such trauma to the placid approach of my mindset right now. you have destroyed the barrier of uncomplication and crossed my garden of vicious love cycles.

congratulations.
i want to go to you.

and stay.

now.

but the several minutes of my bliss is over. all i can do is wish and see in my mind's eye what you are blinded about.

i want to go to you and see if you are worth the nuissance you are causing me. it doesn't really matter what the result could be. because peeking into your existence is just my main concern.

i want to go to you. and let you define me. and let you into my everyday verve and birth. put me on a pedestal and make my existence as surreal as it could be.

wait.

i may now want something more than just going to you.

but if ever i cannot carry out this yearning, at least stay where you are-- where i can see the place i want to go to..

even if i really can't.

--------------------------------

go-getter people always say: "i know what i want and i shall have it."
i get too manic sometimes and find myself blurt this statement to myself.

pero di ba, it's more fun when someone or something tells you:
"i know that you want me and you shall have me."
(amapangit ng tunog pag sinabi pero pagbigyan na for the sake of parallelism!)

or pwede ring:
"i know that you dont want me but you still have me."

things or people we own/have that are products of sweat and tears are very precious. the amount of these fluids we shed often define how much they mean to us. but skipping the arduous process of reaching for them wont make them less special either. you know what is the consequence of not working hard for the things you want? it is having the feeling that you are special, that you are so magnetic so as to attract the desirable things towards you.

and i miss feeling like that.








LOSER!
hahaha.. well, at least what i have are the few things i have chosen to work my ass for.
(sige lang, comfort yourself pa!)

bakit namamatay ang uod kapag binudburan ng asin?

akala ko, dahil masyadong neutral ang asin.
(hindi pala. hehe..nauubusan daw kasi moisture ang katawan ng uod due to osmosis.)

our house isnt dysfunctional anymore!

WOOHOOO!!

im back! wheeee!

im happy! today is the luckiest day ever. (upon mentioning the word luck, im officially but temporarily getting rid of my philosophical plug-ins!) andami kong gusto na nakuha ko ngayon!

simulan na natin sa
--upuan sa harap ng UP-SM jeep.
--tapos, ang COMM140 subject ko (makakenrol na ko bukas! wheee! malalabas ko na ang tinago ko sa baul na form5 at bye bye na sa form5a ko.)
--cable ng aming telebisyon--linya ng landline namin
--INTERNET! wooohoooooo! 54.6kbps! wheeee.. sori ah, nasanay na kasi ako sa 21kbps nung nagloloko eh! kaya ansaya talga!
--ang matagal ko nang minimithing corkboard para sa wall ng room ko
--bagong mga kanta para sa player ko. sa wakas nadownload ko na ang mga kanta sa listahan ko na isang buwan na atang nakatiwangwang sa desktop ko! (LEO! nadownload ko na ang request mo na My Girl! :D)

hay! banal na usok! napakasaya ko!
kulang na lang ay yung isa..ay! dalawa..ay tatlo pala! ay.. ARGHH! andami ko pa ring gusto! "imbakan ng tubig naman oh!" hayyy..calm down annali.

pero anyway, tama na muna ito for the day. makukuntento na muna ako! wheeeeee! IM HAPPY!

expect my drooping eyes tomorrow! puyatan na itu! tama na ang pagtulog ng 8pm at pagtitiyaga sa RPN9! para akong nag-communication fast! buti na lang tapos na. im soooooooooooo bloody happy!

FLASH NON-FICTION + MINI-LIGA

si Pitong at ang kapatid ko na si RA

this past week, nililibang ako ng mga batang yan sa paglalaro nila ng basketball sa isang mini-liga na pinauso ng pinsan ko. next saturday ang finals at ang teams nila ang maglalaban. sino kayang mananalo??!

ang idol niyan ni Pitong bukod, sa obviously angwapo, eh matinong point guard tas yung team nila ang pinakmatitino ang players lalo na yung isa pang player na ang name ay Leley-- katuwang name! kahit sino manalo ok lang.. extra lang naman kapatid ko eh!

hahaha BAD na ATE!

WORDS OF WISDOM:

you cant bury something below the ground unless you stop denying the fact that it's lying rotten in front of you.
MY QUESTION TO THE CONDEMNED SCAVENGER FEASTING ON ME:
when will i 86 you from my system?
MY MESSAGE TO ANYBODY INSECURE:
hahaha! i'll do my best to be the best i can be. i'll give you more reason to feel that way! BEH! :D
A FACTUAL STATEMENT:
it sucks big time when your silence is taken literally. when in fact, it means more to you than just the simple absence of sound.
A CUTE THING TO PONDER ABOUT:
there is no way we can understand how our minds work. because if we are intellectual people, it would be too complicated. on the other hand, if it is too simple, we would be stupid to be able to understand it.

boring post. dont bother read.

"isang araw sa buhay ng walang magawa"

there were those times that i had this desire to be able to define love. hahaha.. nonsense pursuit you might say. but what the heck. we are so full of things related with it. i dont want to be one of those who use its name in vain. i dont want to be one of those people who brag about knowing blah blah blah but end up as victims of that same thing they boast of knowing a lot about.

back then, before i wrote in my diary an attempt to define love, all i knew was that love is not really an emotion. an emotion is very fleeting. and as most of you people have experienced or are experiencing, love does not fade easily. *insert the forum topic 'burnout' here hehe*

i also tried comparing love with other things but i thought the metaphors aren't enough to simplify the rather hard-to-understand concept of love. they *insert forum people here* thought it was some kind of a disease infecting minds, especially of those youngsters like me. but SURPRISE! it might as well be a cure. besides, love is not an abnormality. love is in fact, ubiquitous. it exists everywhere, generates movements every second, or so it seems.

then, enter Plato. the philosopher whose ideas tallied with mine. or the other way around (no hierarchical implication intended). Plato believed in a two-fold reality-- the sensory reality, the natural world wherein everything is in constant state of change and the world of ideas, wherein everything is eternal and immutable. aside from two realities, he also believed that each of us has a mortal body and a soul. this soul has existed long before we were born and thrived in the world of ideas. but the moment we were born, the soul unites with the mortal body and forgets everything about the world of ideas. as a human being develops and percieves things from the sensory world, a vague recollection of where the soul used to reaside stirs it. and this soul is faced with a yearning to return to its true realm-- that is, the world of ideas. and Plato called this yearning eros. eros = love. whoa. nakakapagod magexplain.

it was just overwheleming to find out that my vague idea on love is somewhat the same with the second most famous Greek philosopher. in my own words, i wrote:

"as people of hearts and minds, we are daunted by the fact that there is this reality that we all thrive collectively. And it is this reality that we try to resent whenever we love. love transforms reality onto something unimaginable yet attainable...because once they have realized that they can attain this unimaginable through loving, they (fall) for the escape...confused, a person becomes reckless, unmindful and undecided of what is it that he must do-- whether to stay on the always pragmatic reality or to go back to the attainable 'imaginary'."
(note: by reality, i mean, the natural or sensory world that Plato was talking about) 05-10-06

i dont intend to convince you that my views are those that comprise what is real nor what is true. i dont even intend to be mushy here. these are just thoughts running in my head, things i never grow tired of pondering about. lastly, im not in love. i just posses this innate ability to reason. haha.