"...You can’t just sit around, getting angry because you think you're ready.

If you were really ready, things would be happening.”
-regina spektor

very nice. very nice, especially after reading her biography.

after several days of immersing myself in easy-listening music and insisting on repeating the little downlaods i could afford to stay up waiting for, my mind has once again generated another dream. yet again.

i want to be a musician. wooo..

kaya panay ang magic sing ko.

JOKE.

joke lang talaga. mananatili na lang isang panaginip yan. hehe.

but who knows, life could be too long for literature and visual arts.

dream on. haha

read my earlier posts they deserve views rather than this lousy thing.

im getting addicted to camera obscura, so as to other obscure things. what's new?

i thought i was wanting new things because so much were new-- new house, new room, new way, practically, new life without Kate. but then, one thing hasn't changed. im still a woman pretending to be a girl. or the other way around. or perhaps, what hasn't changed is my unsureness about these two.

i want to grow out of being obsessive. or not. maybe, i just have to quit whinning about it because this is really me down to the roots of my tangled and uncombed hairs.

i dont want to get rid of my childishness. i want to stay young and be idealistic about things. i want to forever think that the world has so much in store for me.

rarrr..but being obsessive and being hurt eventually sends signal to my nerves up to my brain. this is when we eventually grow out of being children, when we fully understand pain.

but i dont..yet. so i must not understand it fully. i must resist my resistance. hence, i must give in to obsessiveness.

this is me manipulating myself. how cute is that?

_____________________________

i can't believe i'm counting on you
one im so gullible
two im so overacting
three im so much of a know-it-all
and
four im a social-climber
and that last count connotes further more.
and so i count on you more than four times
i forsee that.
you know what i also see?
i see no you

----

GAHD im so stupid.

ke bagal-bagal naman ng connection. lintik.

pasko..sana naging maligaya kayo.

evident sa pasko ngayong taon na maraming nagbago sa buhay ko.

simulan na lang sa new neighborhood namin na ni shadow ng christmas spirit eh hindi ata sinapian. by 10pm, lights off na. dinaig pa ang curfew. usually, we spend our christmas eve at pampanga, but it was different this year. we had to stay at home because ewan ko. maselan ata pagbubuntis ng tita ko kaya. basta ganun.

i just sang the night away, sa magic sing namin. inaral ko pa yung isang oldies na kanta sa player ko para ma-perfect ko at mapatotohanan ko ang sabi ni pacquiao na lalo raw gagaling. tapos i rummaged my drawer for a sketchpad..then i discovered something. hahahuhuhaha..something that made my heartbeat race. whatever. basta, evrything ended after the discovery of that something hidden in my things for almost two months. katanga-tanga ko para hindi yun makita.

tapos natulog na ako, mga 4am na yun.

tapos nagising ako ng 12noon.. i was home alone. edi linis linis ng bahay, ligpit ng gamit, kain ng tira-tira tapos nanuod ng DVDs from hannah. in between pala nun eh sinilip ko yung libro ni papa na purpose driven life. na-bother naman niya ako kahit papaano. tapos nagdasal ako. tapos narinig ko na yung busina ng car nmin from outside, dumating na ang pamilya. tapos kain. tapos tulog.

that was merry christmas for me.

paggising ko na lang kanina, naka-confine na daw ang 2 kong tita sa father side. yung isa, nagnervous breakdown daw. may bad encounter ata with her spouse then she said to her daughter: ayoko na dito, aalis na ako! then she fainted. when she became conscious once again, she can't recognize anyone. all that she's saying was: "teka nagmamadali ako. aalis ako. iiwanan na ako ng kasama ko..."

woah.

my other tita was the one who tried to fix the hospital stuffs for her. after everything was alright, she felt something wrong with her stomach. now she's confined too. kaya i spent my day looking after her.

sana wala nang iba pang ma-harm ngaun christmas season. kaya kayo, mag-iingat. yan ang sinasabi ng mabait kong side. sabi nung lunatic na side: aba, sabi ko na nga ba, when all else fail, i always count on lunacy. it's the most accessible escape talaga.

a photoshoot where everything was an outtake

the points to highlight here are parents at the living room eating and singing siblings at the other room playing friend that's kimie came over vintage clothes and other stuffs digital camera junk foods from external sources and most especially a room with bare walls and hardly anything else but ironically they're all in gray we were polka dot people talking to white walls don't make our shadows appear but they refused to hear us beg shadows did appear so we posed our hearts away and bade goodbye to our sanity playground was the room as we went round about rummaging for anything to use even cola bottles weren't exempted the rest will be herstory

giddiness, goodness!

unang beses ko pa lang to nakita, nagustuhan ko na.

at kahit hindi na gumagana, sobrang natutuwa pa rin ako sa kanya.

ayaw kasi ibigay sa akin yung buong set eh. sayang.

sa ngayon, umiikot lang ang buhay ko sa bagong lumang bahay na nilipatan namin.

pati na rin sa paggawa ng mga takdang aralin--mag-diary at magsketch ng landscapes.

napakapayapa ng buhay.

onga pala, wag kayong manunuod ng tenacious d na movie kung ayaw niong masayang pera ninyo. kunglibre, wag pa rin, sayang ang oras ninyo. hay naku.

LOVE is like..

nagmula ang mighty ideya nito sa autograph ng aking kapatid. nakasulat kasi dun sa define love nia:

LOVE IS LIKE AN ONION. IT MAKES YOU CRY.

kaya kanina, together with leo and gelene, nagisip pa kami ng ibang metaphors. tpos ang-haba ng byahe sa fx kaya nman nag-isip pa ako ng iba.

LOVE IS LIKE...
a taxi. it takes you wherever you want to go.
an ikot jeep. it turns your world around.
a UP-SM north jeep. it comes rarely.
a lantern. it parades.huh?!
a bridge game because you need a partner.
a bridge game again. it requires you to bid your emotions.
a plant. it grows.
an ID. you cannot enter heaven without it.
Kate. it was gone even before you knew it.
Gelene. it's for jokes.
Leo. it sucks. bwahaha
my test papers. there is always something wrong with it.
playing dance maniax. sometimes, you fail.
a christmas tree. it has balls. (huh?!)
a poste/ a rock. it's hard.
a dengue mosquito. it breeds in stagnant water.
sun cellular. it makes you wait for a signal.
a check mark. it makes everything right.
the Bantigue family's vios. it brings JOY everywhere. HAHA
Manny Pacquiao/ nursing students. it's everywhere.
Jennylyn Mercado. it leaves a MARK.
a computer game. it makes you want to kill.
an electric fan. it blows you away.
a computer mouse. it points you to the right direction.
Commonwealth Avenue/ the FX line. you get stuck in it.
dinner. you can't have it once you're late.
a dictionary. it has many definitions.

hmmm.. may naiisip pa ba kau?
dali dadagan natin!

grabe. ang-layo nga ng bahay namin. ngayon ay nag-sink in na siya ng maige sa utak ko. tapos wala pang pagkain pagdating. huhu..kawawa naman ako.

excited na ako for lantern parade. wiiiii..

“If you are distressed by anything external,

the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it;

and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

--Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

i want to borrow myself from me. then, i would let her go. away from everything i have been putting myself through, for the sake of being good and for the benefit of the world around.

my life is so dull and planned right now. it is only you that makes it a bit exciting. and though you wouldn't probably reach this..im still extending my appreciation. you make me feel like i am a child and you are someone older, someone ready to pat me on the back and tell me about the strange world we both have chosen to exist.

sometimes, i wish i could be more nosy and inquisitive in front of you. but somehow, words turn into doubt whenever they attempt to materialize into something you could decipher.

and when sometimes, words indeed come out as themselves, you would then begin to evacuate from the spot called interested. a tinge of disappointment reaches my heart. the lollipop was taken back from a child. and so i dance away from our tryst in blinding manner. to forget about the disappointment would be my main concern. i wouldn't even bother comprehend about what has transpired. to be numb is to be strong about it.

i want

fancy and liberating and breezy and alone and functioning and breathing and away.

G.I.V.?

---which stands for Globally-Intellectual Village

unfortunately, eventually, actually, we will be apart. let's not think of it as a reason to be down in the dumps.

UP's lighting ceremony last Monday december4. before the lights were actually lighted..

thoughts of which came to me after i heard about the Japan scholarship, Kate in Canada and the news about the high demand for occupational therapists in Canada, New Zealand, etc. this is not entirely positive, but i have managed to picture us so apart from each other. so, i had to attribute a theory that would somehow light up this grim idea.

the idea was patterned by mcluhan's global village (mass comm!) wherein the world would be conneceted through mass media..blah blah.. well, i didn't utilize the whole idea but merely the term. haha. so there's no point in explaining it in depth.

kate even suggested that KFC the block would eventually be replaced by Paris' shopping districts as our habitual meeting place. and of course, she joked about Leo being out of place during our shopping escapades.

hayyy.. we're really getting old.

i have imagined an improved version of a museum hopping for an art-related romantic date.

ikeee..

(haven't been mushy for quite a while so im shy to tell all..hihi)

the images in my head are blurry because the venue was somewhere i haven't been.

i would love to spent an afternoon (and if possible, a night) there..

with me, myself, and lots of money so i can bring home pieces. o how romantic the thought is.

"i have a home

and a window called night.

i sleep in a bed named sky

and dream about people i haven't met.

in my dreams we talk about teacups.

because of the future it holds

and the afternoon it brings.

o, what are afternoons without teacups?"

moving out is hard to do.

napakanakakapagod. bukod pa dun ang nakakasakit ng ulo na amoy ng pintura. hayy..daming alikabok. daming iniimpake. daming nililinis. kelan kaya ako makakahiga at makakatulog ng maayos?

andami ko pang gustong gawin sa buhay ko ngayon. gusto kong magadvance reading sa mga subjects ko para this week eh mapagtuunan ko ng pansin ang pagpapaganda ng kwarto ko. gusto ko ng mural sa kwarto ko at sa ceiling. wait, mural pa ba ang tawag pag sa ceiling? basta ganun.

excited na rin ako sa pag-edit ng mga vintage clothes na napulot ko sa bahay na lilipatan namin. ang gaganda ng dresses at ng mga bags. yung iba from Paris pa sosyal. nung sinusukat ko sabi ni mama mukha raw akong mula sa ibang panahon. meron atang 3 black and white polka dot dresses. ansayaaaa..

at lalaki na rin ang kwarto ko. yey. amazing, sa buong bahay, sa kwarto ko lang may signal ang sun. kakaiba talaga ang sun.
hayy..kay raming pagbabago sa buhay ko. lipat-bahay at ang pag-alis ni kate. eh parang yun na nga buong buhay ko ah--- aral, lakwatsa, uwi. pero soon madadagdagan na yan. kailangang matuto at masanay sa buhay na wala ang mga bagay na nakasanayan.

it's time to grow
.

sali rin kayo..bilissss

"As part of a new BBC season called Generation Next, we want to see your pictures of how you spend your leisure time.. "

here's the link.

binigay yan ng prof ko. parang ansaya eh. bilis malapit na ang deadline. go go go.

---------

kfc photo was from ruth's camera

jump shot was taken at hannah's

in a child's world..

everything is green.

and as we grow old..











ewan.


nagiging utak na lang natin ang green?

---------------------------------

photo taken nov27

sunken garden/beach house

save the best TO last

HIV trip to Mall of Asia.

huling planadong lakad bago manginig sa lamig si Kate sa Canada.

xx

a night preceeded by a day

"this is a night preceeded by a day that i have managed to forget about you. I was distracted by everything else in the world. its movement somehow, caused y life to move too. the day was a reflection of how simple i desire my life to be. the day is when i get to play around. and when the whole world is my disneyland.

this is a night when darkness creeps in and favours your return. i, once again remembers you, almost like a diety in my mind. in pitch-black, i see your shadows and smell your quiddity. my eyes are all shut tonight for they drowned in habitual tears and can no longer move to the surface and marvel at reality- a reality without you.

this is the night when after having the conclusion that i have moved on, the adamant moon presses rewind...and so, i am once again back to where i was before i woke up-- in a recurring dream of you and me. "

don't you think we've waited long enough?

i think so too. so what now?



on another note, what's the point of waiting to be safe just so you can be dangerous?
be dangerous or be safe. not both. or can i be both? hmmm..

and on a more irrelevant note, i still check on you. i want to hide from you, yeah. but.. i also want you to try and find me and make me feel like.. like you never lied. and move fast. in a matter of days, those information would be obsolete.

next thing, you kill me everytime i read that. but i still read it. maybe next time, i'd read it in front of a mirror so i could see life escaping from my eyes. they say that vision is unbelievable.

just when i thought im over chopping inches from my hair, i've found yet another cute haircut. i have read somewhere that cute and nice are empty adjectives. owwww.. now i know why they always say im cute. hahaha.

---------------------

the irony of it.

blogger sucks.

ayaw magupload ng photos.

epal.

naiinis na ako.
naiinis na talga.

skjhfuiowrqisugjrepoyogrjogjregtprwg316t8dfb325jh3763hwlsfhgpgjgkgfka!!!!!!!

hay.

visit my LJ account because i wont be updating this for a while.

my new disorder

is there such a psychological disorder about the distortion of one's perception of time? i already have 4 experiences wherein i didn't realize that the time inside my head was not the time of the outside world.

freaky.

but there is something freakier than that.

i will be going to binondo church tomorrow to meet someone i haven't seen ever-- my survey team leader. i dont know anything about places in manila. i feel so helpless. huhu.. anyone who wants to accompany me? (pwede ba yung may car?)

once again, i tried to blame all my misfortunes to my father, for not teaching how to drive! ARGH! i want to learn how to drive...mali pla.. I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE.

goodluck na lang sa akin bukas sa Binondo. huhu.. naiiyak na ako. huhuhu talaga..

my blog is so boring.

i've made some changes due to my desire to migrate to beta which i successfully did. yey! i previewed the visual result and i found it too boring. so, i decided to post some happy photos.

ruth, carlo, kimie, kate and i @ cleyr's debut

each of us wants to be stuck somewhere we can't stay forever. the recurrence of such liking, i believe, makes us all human. personally, i want to stay inside my room forever, somewhere i can build my own world and not be judged for having one.

victor basa is so gorgeous. i just wished that ABS won't make a dupe out of him and capitalize on his gorgeousness. mukhang siyang tanga sa ASAP. sayang...

i love LOST. it's such a pity that i only got to watch the last three episodes for the season. they gave me nightmares. the variety of characters stayed within the confines of my imagination longer than the freaky bride in Sukob. it was psychologically disturbing for me. and i am so happy about it.

it makes me feel so good when something disturbs my mind. disturbance makes the state of mind unbalanced. therefore, it encourages homeostasis. achieveing balance may not be the most enjoyable quest but it is so fun to discover the equifinality aspect of life-- that goals can be achieved in a variety of ways. hayy.. complexities.

the other night, i had a dream about my mother owning a new cellphone. then the next morning, caloi had a new one. last night i had a dream that my father got a million peso in cash, i wonder who would be having such in real life. SHARE!

what is optimism?

"what's wrong with living in a dream world?
---you have to wake up. " (the secret life of bees)



















what's good about living in a nightmare?

--you can still wake up.

hayyy.. sana maging masaya ka.

sana sana sana talaga! :D

ARTWORK.

tomorrow will be a normal day.
normal.
normal.
normal.


i must not expect anything.









(pero secret lang natin ah. natatakot na talaga ako. kasama sa list ng fears ko ang pagpapakita sa ibang tao ng aking mga gawa. dapat minimal lang ang effort ko sa gawa na to para hindi ako masyadong maattach. hayy.. insecurities.)




sabi nga ni leo, bahala na ang justice league!

life cycles

awww.. i almost ended my 3-year affair with blogger. for a couple of minutes, i decided to close this one and continue blogging in LJ. but then again, i realized how cute pics appear in blogger and other things..so, to maximize the beauty of blogspot, i decided to post our photoshoot pics.

pagpasensyahan niyo na, puyat lang kami kaya kung au-anong kalokohan na ginawa namin.

back when we were

young.
oh no no..younger.



(yeah, that's what i'm talking about.)

and learning about ties and edges,
and corkscrew and bottles..

enjoying the habits.
cycling everything from day to day to day.
then. suddenly.

we settle to be part of a pair.

to settle for interdependence.

pakikiramay

nung tuesday may isang kawawang kitten na nasa tapat ng bintana ng kwarto ko. edi ayan, nalibang naman ako kasi kulay black siya tas anlungkot niya. picture perfect talaga! sige lang picture lang ako ng picture.

makalipas ang ilang minuto..
bumuhos ang ulan. nakakaawa siya kasi hindi pa developed ang eyesight niya. hindi niya alam kung saan siya pupunta. lalagyan ko sana siya ng pantakip para hindi siya mabasa kaso nga lang may harang ang window ko kaya hindi ko siya maabot. buti na lang lumapit siya.

tuwang-tuwa naman ako kasi feeling ko naligtas ko yung kawawang pusa mula sa malakas na ulan...

kahapon bago ako bumangon narinig ko yung mga bata sa labas: "ayy kadiri naman butas-butas pa yung katawan!" i was still in denial. ayaw ko pang tignan. tapos kanina nagreklamo yung kapatid ko, bakit daw ambaho. hanggang sa maamoy ko na rin.

ahhhh! hindi ko matanggap na pinaghirapan ko pang gawan siya ng pantakip sa ulan..nagasgas pa yung kamay ko. tapos mamatay lang pala siya! sa bagay, hindi naman niya siguro choice na mamatay agad. at sa bagay ulit, lahat naman ng pusa eh namamatay.

ambobo, pero parang nabuhay lang ata ang kitten na iyon para maging subject ng mga photos na ito. kaya ito, im extending the existence of that kitten, kahit man lang sa blog ko.

hindi man lang siya nabigyan ng name. huhuhu..

parang bigla tuloy akong natakot mamatay. yung pakiramdam na bigla na lang malilimutan ang lahat ng pinaghirapan mo nung buhay ka pa. sana mamatay ako in a dramatic way, as in kontrobersyal. ayaw kong mamatay dahil sa katandaan. gusto kong maging tulad ni Jesus at ni Plato na namatay at the peak of their fame (yaaak as if sisikat ako!) kaya naman yung legacy nila eh nagpersist. ayokong mabalewala ang buhay ko matapos kong mabuhay. kaya as much as possible, gusto kong dinodocument ang nangyayari sa akin para naman may memories!

hayy naku, yung kitten kasi eh!
sana nasa heaven na siya..

i really love this photograph.dati ko pa to nakita at natuwa akong gawan ng mga istorya. pero etong version na to ang paborito ko! andrama, oo. well, that's me!

(shit! ayaw malagay nung photo.. click nio na lang)

i want to go to you.

i want to hold your hand as i mention every single thing i like about you. you are one person that deserves a second look. but i went beyond what you deserve. i stared at you as if nothing else exists. i never thought that a single touch would cause such trauma to the placid approach of my mindset right now. you have destroyed the barrier of uncomplication and crossed my garden of vicious love cycles.

congratulations.
i want to go to you.

and stay.

now.

but the several minutes of my bliss is over. all i can do is wish and see in my mind's eye what you are blinded about.

i want to go to you and see if you are worth the nuissance you are causing me. it doesn't really matter what the result could be. because peeking into your existence is just my main concern.

i want to go to you. and let you define me. and let you into my everyday verve and birth. put me on a pedestal and make my existence as surreal as it could be.

wait.

i may now want something more than just going to you.

but if ever i cannot carry out this yearning, at least stay where you are-- where i can see the place i want to go to..

even if i really can't.

--------------------------------

go-getter people always say: "i know what i want and i shall have it."
i get too manic sometimes and find myself blurt this statement to myself.

pero di ba, it's more fun when someone or something tells you:
"i know that you want me and you shall have me."
(amapangit ng tunog pag sinabi pero pagbigyan na for the sake of parallelism!)

or pwede ring:
"i know that you dont want me but you still have me."

things or people we own/have that are products of sweat and tears are very precious. the amount of these fluids we shed often define how much they mean to us. but skipping the arduous process of reaching for them wont make them less special either. you know what is the consequence of not working hard for the things you want? it is having the feeling that you are special, that you are so magnetic so as to attract the desirable things towards you.

and i miss feeling like that.








LOSER!
hahaha.. well, at least what i have are the few things i have chosen to work my ass for.
(sige lang, comfort yourself pa!)

bakit namamatay ang uod kapag binudburan ng asin?

akala ko, dahil masyadong neutral ang asin.
(hindi pala. hehe..nauubusan daw kasi moisture ang katawan ng uod due to osmosis.)

our house isnt dysfunctional anymore!

WOOHOOO!!

im back! wheeee!

im happy! today is the luckiest day ever. (upon mentioning the word luck, im officially but temporarily getting rid of my philosophical plug-ins!) andami kong gusto na nakuha ko ngayon!

simulan na natin sa
--upuan sa harap ng UP-SM jeep.
--tapos, ang COMM140 subject ko (makakenrol na ko bukas! wheee! malalabas ko na ang tinago ko sa baul na form5 at bye bye na sa form5a ko.)
--cable ng aming telebisyon--linya ng landline namin
--INTERNET! wooohoooooo! 54.6kbps! wheeee.. sori ah, nasanay na kasi ako sa 21kbps nung nagloloko eh! kaya ansaya talga!
--ang matagal ko nang minimithing corkboard para sa wall ng room ko
--bagong mga kanta para sa player ko. sa wakas nadownload ko na ang mga kanta sa listahan ko na isang buwan na atang nakatiwangwang sa desktop ko! (LEO! nadownload ko na ang request mo na My Girl! :D)

hay! banal na usok! napakasaya ko!
kulang na lang ay yung isa..ay! dalawa..ay tatlo pala! ay.. ARGHH! andami ko pa ring gusto! "imbakan ng tubig naman oh!" hayyy..calm down annali.

pero anyway, tama na muna ito for the day. makukuntento na muna ako! wheeeeee! IM HAPPY!

expect my drooping eyes tomorrow! puyatan na itu! tama na ang pagtulog ng 8pm at pagtitiyaga sa RPN9! para akong nag-communication fast! buti na lang tapos na. im soooooooooooo bloody happy!

FLASH NON-FICTION + MINI-LIGA

si Pitong at ang kapatid ko na si RA

this past week, nililibang ako ng mga batang yan sa paglalaro nila ng basketball sa isang mini-liga na pinauso ng pinsan ko. next saturday ang finals at ang teams nila ang maglalaban. sino kayang mananalo??!

ang idol niyan ni Pitong bukod, sa obviously angwapo, eh matinong point guard tas yung team nila ang pinakmatitino ang players lalo na yung isa pang player na ang name ay Leley-- katuwang name! kahit sino manalo ok lang.. extra lang naman kapatid ko eh!

hahaha BAD na ATE!

WORDS OF WISDOM:

you cant bury something below the ground unless you stop denying the fact that it's lying rotten in front of you.
MY QUESTION TO THE CONDEMNED SCAVENGER FEASTING ON ME:
when will i 86 you from my system?
MY MESSAGE TO ANYBODY INSECURE:
hahaha! i'll do my best to be the best i can be. i'll give you more reason to feel that way! BEH! :D
A FACTUAL STATEMENT:
it sucks big time when your silence is taken literally. when in fact, it means more to you than just the simple absence of sound.
A CUTE THING TO PONDER ABOUT:
there is no way we can understand how our minds work. because if we are intellectual people, it would be too complicated. on the other hand, if it is too simple, we would be stupid to be able to understand it.

boring post. dont bother read.

"isang araw sa buhay ng walang magawa"

there were those times that i had this desire to be able to define love. hahaha.. nonsense pursuit you might say. but what the heck. we are so full of things related with it. i dont want to be one of those who use its name in vain. i dont want to be one of those people who brag about knowing blah blah blah but end up as victims of that same thing they boast of knowing a lot about.

back then, before i wrote in my diary an attempt to define love, all i knew was that love is not really an emotion. an emotion is very fleeting. and as most of you people have experienced or are experiencing, love does not fade easily. *insert the forum topic 'burnout' here hehe*

i also tried comparing love with other things but i thought the metaphors aren't enough to simplify the rather hard-to-understand concept of love. they *insert forum people here* thought it was some kind of a disease infecting minds, especially of those youngsters like me. but SURPRISE! it might as well be a cure. besides, love is not an abnormality. love is in fact, ubiquitous. it exists everywhere, generates movements every second, or so it seems.

then, enter Plato. the philosopher whose ideas tallied with mine. or the other way around (no hierarchical implication intended). Plato believed in a two-fold reality-- the sensory reality, the natural world wherein everything is in constant state of change and the world of ideas, wherein everything is eternal and immutable. aside from two realities, he also believed that each of us has a mortal body and a soul. this soul has existed long before we were born and thrived in the world of ideas. but the moment we were born, the soul unites with the mortal body and forgets everything about the world of ideas. as a human being develops and percieves things from the sensory world, a vague recollection of where the soul used to reaside stirs it. and this soul is faced with a yearning to return to its true realm-- that is, the world of ideas. and Plato called this yearning eros. eros = love. whoa. nakakapagod magexplain.

it was just overwheleming to find out that my vague idea on love is somewhat the same with the second most famous Greek philosopher. in my own words, i wrote:

"as people of hearts and minds, we are daunted by the fact that there is this reality that we all thrive collectively. And it is this reality that we try to resent whenever we love. love transforms reality onto something unimaginable yet attainable...because once they have realized that they can attain this unimaginable through loving, they (fall) for the escape...confused, a person becomes reckless, unmindful and undecided of what is it that he must do-- whether to stay on the always pragmatic reality or to go back to the attainable 'imaginary'."
(note: by reality, i mean, the natural or sensory world that Plato was talking about) 05-10-06

i dont intend to convince you that my views are those that comprise what is real nor what is true. i dont even intend to be mushy here. these are just thoughts running in my head, things i never grow tired of pondering about. lastly, im not in love. i just posses this innate ability to reason. haha.

no no no.

im going nowhere.

i have thse countless thoeries of why am feeling such, why am i doing so.. im doomed. because the question playing in my head right now is: what's real in all of these?

do i have a self that will justify what is the truth from the lie, the theory from the fact? or, the thing that is me is just a collection of these unsure and inaccurate ideas that my mind has generated?

do i have an identity that'll qualify the answers that i give myself as the right ones? or, do the questions themselves are the only things that define who i am?

i really have no clue what to tell myself just so i can stop all these ponderings from invading my thoughts. last night i was just indulging in lower levels of giddiness. now, im already questiong the value system regarding the source of such. maybe, im digging too much out of myself. i just want to make my gray life to be gaudy and rich and luscious. who wants a boring life anyway?
i know, i dont want that.

so, as a consequence of that, i victimize myself with constant blows of questioning, sprinkled with magnified emotions and there it goes, i fly. i fly into the gates of my own made-up world where it is only myself that i have. and there on that exile, i wish for someone to share the vast space of my own idea of perfection.

but like what i have said, it's just my own world. it's not recognizable to anyone. and to everyone, it does not exist. if that's the case, how then, can i convince anyone to go there?

how?

maybe, unconsciously, i know nobody wont come. dreaming, solitude, exile, feeling that i am empty--- maybe these things make-up my own world. and maybe, these to me are the definition of perfection.

or maybe not. ewan.

and to my main question, what's real in all of these?
nothing.
i guess, i'll just content myself on that for now.




________________
ay such a tale of woe.. ang ginaw kasi!

aaron + kaye + random musings

+aaron's 1st bday is coming. bye bye aaron's long hair.. awwww.. sad.+

+i want a black cat. i want a black ducati motorcycle. i want a beach vacation, but it's already raining.+

+ i want to see the video of daniel powter's bad day. it makes me feel glad that it's raining. because somebody might offer his umbrella, cover me from the rain and stop my cynicism.+

+you know you can do something. but knowing that doesnt qualify as a reason to feel it. i know. i understand. but.. let's just be happy. that's our only choice.+

+happiness is boring. and lonely. ironic? no.+

+i always feel guilty. but i still love storms.+

+i feel so light now that we've talked about it. i wish i could have explained myself better. but at least, you've noticed that before. i dont regret anything. we would not be here if not for those distant days. id still stick to that notion of not regretting anything. like what we've agreed upon, we dont coincide on that "regret matter".+

+ i've been surprising myself a lot lately. and it's actually fun! sana lang magtagal.. o kaya pagsawaan ko na lang. no more hurting stages please.+

+i am totally not a gift person.+

+i want to be impulsive. i am actually devising some steps towards my becoming one. weird.+

+somebody's closet would welcome an addition.+

+will i come? will i see? or should i just let questions conquer me?+

+people ( i mean you and you) are getting tired of my repeated comments. im sorry. i just cant contain them anymore. they keep on multiplying.+

+i miss you. i mean, both of you (different you and you). though you are already near. though you are already gone.+

+cliffhangers. i hate them. they mean nothing. makes the journey unworthy.+

+i have no problem. except the fact that i have no problem.+

+you cant do anything about my being a lunatic. but you can stay beside her. try.+

+do all lunatics love the moon? i do.+

+im so moony..+

stagnant blog.

--reflects my life.

by xobious

the clouds gave up on containing all the moisture by itself. it finally felt generous enough to share some. i was beside the window in my room, reading a short story that i printed the night before, when it rained. the atmosphere was so perfect for a rather depressing story.

"I always gave her the window seat because she said the world went by so fast sometimes, and if you weren't watching, you might miss something amazing. I didn't mind missing it if I got to watch her."
Connor+Jenny

it was not a tear-jerker but it'll really let you inside the world of a brokenhearted and make you feel so depressed thet even if he was already taking drugs, i felt that it's ok as long as it would make him forget about the slut who left her. besides, he is an emo guy. haha..pathetic but i am one of those girls who like those kind of guys. but i havent met anyone. AY! si RFE papasa na! i miss his jet black hair swept across his pale and at the same time rosy face. pero i dont miss my philo classes! NEVER! ewwww!

i've been thinking about trivial things recently. i had so much rubbish inside my head, mostly nauseatingly mushy! haha..what's new? my latest diary entry was about me being insecure and envious of the omnipresent time. nonsense!

"stop running in front of me, Time! stop reiterating that you are moving.. and i am not! stop it. i wont give in and befriend you. never. i guess i'll just hate you until my life gets tired of trying to keep up with your constant motion."
10:57pm

ahhh i feel so sleepy already! i still have to get up early for my seasonal cwts2 class. we're going to conduct a survey on the slum areas in front of pisay. i hope they wont shut their door in front of our faces just like what we have experienced in Espa?a.. i hope.

heaven finally dropped my parcel-- colored pencils!

wheeeee!







I sketched this last april 12. i know, i know..the pose is weird. and someone from DA commented that the guy's arm looks uber short. but im too lazy to fix it!

"...anyway, when the right time comes, he'll just leave the job for pain once again.

he'll make pain clot my wounds until my bleeding will subside due to the cold permafrost."

please tell me that a ten-year old girl can never

understand the burden that these words may mean.

my sister read my drawing book (bukod sa pagnanakaw niya ng aking favorite pencil), the one i have used as a makeshift diary

while waiting for someone to give me another

(and thank you for the one who put an end to that waiting! mwaah!).

"Anne! edi alam mo na kung anung pangalan ng "crush" ko?"

she nodded and smiled.

SHIT!

i have to be a better sister from now. really really good. or.. or.. dunno.

i hate patterns.

i condemn myself everytime i see myself caught on something that reflects a repetition. and unfortunately, this happens often. too often. i am condemning myself right now. i hate hate hate hate this place where i am.

but hey, i love it too. too much to hate it.

(another blurry entry where nothing is really sure.)

problem is, i have nothing to hold onto this time but the idea of an ideal future thriving with an ideal dream. i dream. all the time. and in my dreams, everything is mine.

and so, i BLOODY hate it when my dreams are being purloined. because they are everything that is mine. they may mean nothing to the real world, but they mean the world to me. my dreams are mine. mine mine mine. no matter how i reiterate that to myself, im still so pissed. i want to snatch my dreams back. but i know, my dreams are mine.

bullshit.

dreams cannot be snatched. but why do i feel so much of a victim?

of that cyclical "thief".
of my forseeable self.
of the illusioned "crime" itself, dreaming.

MASSking myself

(a reflection post on the two weeks in cwts1)


for the last two weeks, i spent my classes in my college, MASSCOMM-- the place where everbody is a butterfly except for one lost caterpillar that is me. during the first day, i had a hard time pulling myself out of the comforts of my solitude. i had no motivation to bring myself back to the real world where the need to socialize is, what else, a NEED. and to think, i'd be dealing with mass comm people, with their colorful wings, flapping anywhere i lay my eyes on.

but, i had no choice but to go to class. so, armed with my kikay kit (in case i have to disguise myself..hahaha), my psychidelic notebook and my ever-so-trusting creative zen nano, i went there, expecting nothing but a boring day full of blows that will reiterate that i am in the wrong place of the university.

then..NEWSFLASH!

no matter how i tried to deny it, my first day was actually fun. of course, everything i thought about the people there, their being butterflies, were real. i found myself listening from what they have to say. they were sensible people, actually. they exceeded my low expectations (HAH! im bad!). but that doesnt mean that i immediately became another butterfly and instantly became one of them. i did not. i was so hesitant to talk. im so afraid of being mistaken as a nonsense person by simply stating what was already obvious (like what their long speeches were made of! bad again!).

everything they said could just be processed mentally by anyone from UP. but i dont want to be JUST like anyone from UP. i want to be distinct. and so, i can not catch myself plagarizing the common answer to a common query. i must think differently, deeper than anybody else.

i only spoke twice. obviously, they gave me a hard time. im not really THAT distinct YET. but i believe, even with those two short statements, i did not fail to make myself heard. (OK, im being too boastful here..pardon! :O)

the following days, there were no group discussions anymore. i was spared. yey!one time, our class was supposed to be held in the audi and i came in early. i had no one to talk to because gelene was not there yet and ruth was busy talking with her other friends (and i have no hostility whatsoever about it! it takes a lot of practice to exercise that kind of patience, and understanding too. i understand ruth because i know her too well. it's not really a problem with me. :D). i was so annoyed by the buzzing of their voices, their laughs with varying melodies and tones. Oh wait. i described them as if they were music to my ears. THEY WERE NOT. so, being the girl scout i was (ok. i was never a girl scout, just using the icon of being a person who is always prepared! haha), i finally used my secret weapon-- my mp3 player! yey! as their voices grew louder, my thumb would press the button to make their annoying voices be lost in the drum parts of Weezer's We Are All On Drugs (yeah!).

everytime they had time to socialize and for me, to wait, i would set-up my secret weapon and transport myself to the introvert-forgiving world of mp3s. and as their existence faded from my senses, i was hearing myself laugh inside, with the feeling of revenge.

why am i so angry with them anyway?

OH NO NO! i may seem angry but i am not. i just feel that i am different from them and i NEVER want to feel the need to be like them.

as i surveyed the audi one time, i realized that every person on that room was interesting. each of them has a personality they own. they dont hesitate to show or TALK about who they are and what they think, although sometimes, they were not even worth hearing.

this summer, the CWTS program of our college was biased to comm res-- my course. the speakers and the lessons were mostly inclined with it, and of course, with volunteerism and citizenship as well. the program was so far from rubbish. it was so enlightening. i even found myself quoting the speakers. i was moved by the things that some of them said. confidently, i could say that today, i did not get out of the audi empty. (because apart from the lessons, i even acquired the way they speak, mixed with gelene's style! OH NO! o yun naman di ba?!)

and another thing, it was reaffirmed by the commres grads that i what i would want to do someday is indeed related with my course! yey! i became more excited to get my majors and learn more! wheee..

so no more hesitations anna lee. you are indeed on the right track. and even if you are not a butterfly like them, you can still crawl your way to the top!

and just like what Gelene would say..
"let's get it on!"
wahahaha!

welcome back

im feeding on other people's problems right now.

this is such an achievement for my liking to be compassionate. im
winning back that part of me. and at the same time, losing something i have
learned recently-- that is, to be happy.

but never mind. happiness only made me feel alone.

at least in unhappiness, i have everyone else beside
me.

forgive my discontenmentt.

im just being weird.

sorry.

ten people..united by one soap!

PUERTO GALERA! wheee.. ansaya!

naisip ko, antanda na namin talaga at nakarating kami dun..
bitin pa nga eh!

(hmmm..ang hirap mamili ng pics na ippost!)

sa mabatong part ng aming secluded beach

malayo sa mga rowdy at drunk people ng white beach.

sunday na yan.. sa labas kami nagsshower.

co-ed ang shower na yan tas may hose pa. may time nga,

may outsider pa na nakiligo!

ganyan kami ka-close!

sunday, banana boat ride! nagpicturan kami after na naming sumakay...saya!

it was so fun!

kahit pa nasugatan ako at nagdrip ang blood na orange (?) sa tuhod ko..

at kahit pa muntik malunod ang 2 digicam..saya!

sana next outing makasama na kau!

"balisong"

Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control -
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted and more.

To speak or not to; where to begin.
Your great dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend.
I try to tell myself wake up fool; this fairy tale's got to end.

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted (more)

You're everything I wanted


_____________________

hindi ko na maalala pero sa mtv ko yata napanood yung interview kay rico blanco and the rest of rivermaya. tinanong sila kung bakit "Balisong" yung title ng kantang ito.

may gig daw kasi sila sa Batangas nun tas humihingi ng pasalubong yung isa niyang friend. kaso hindi sila nakabili kasi naging busy sila. so, ginawa nilang balisong yung title ng kanta na 'to-- in exchange sa pasalubong na dapat ay ibibili niya dun sa friend niya.

alam niyo na siguro yan, pero whatever. gusto ko lang ulitin para

inaanyayahan ko kayong magpersonality exam!

it's so boring at home.

magdrowing, yan lang ang nagagawa ko sa bahay!

hayyy..

__________

INFPs never seem to lose their
sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's
as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects
come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.

Highly creative, artistic and
spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. INFPs
are natural artists. They will find great satisfaction if they encourage and
develop their artistic abilities. That doesn't mean that an INFP has to be a
famous writer or painter in order to be content. Simply the act of "creating"
will be a fulfilling source of renewal and refreshment to the INFP. An INFP
should allow himself or herself some artistic outlet, because it will add
enrichment and positive energy to their life.

___________

If you're wondering, what an INFP is, well that's the personality type of yours truly based from the Jung test. this and the similar exams kept kimie and me awake til 5am once. they are that amazing!

i am encouraging all of you to take this personality exam!

[link] here's the exam link

[link] and here's one of the more useful sites to inerpret the results

dream fest!

that is so great of you people. ignoring my post when it is too mushy.
hahaha.. honestly, salamat! you are encouraging me to stray away from such things. and even if you cant fully rob me off my right to be sentimental, at least i will not spill it here. at least.

ok, so let's get down to business.
kanina, sobrang dream fest ang tulog ko!

napanaginipan ko ang puerto galera at banana boat! wahaha.. natawa talaga ako kasi edi unang group daw muna yung sumakay tas part ng group na yon si kimie. tas sabi nia, akala lang daw madali pero napakahirap daw pag gumagalaw na! hahaha.. kinabahan tuloy ako! bka maulit ang trauma ko dahil sa ice skating eh. ewww!

anu p bang npanaginipan ko?
nakalimutan ko na pla yung iba. basta, habang nanaginip kasi ako, kinakabisado ko sila. kaso kasi anghaba na ng araw kaya nakalimutan ko rin. except ang panaginip na ito:

kasi may pwesto daw kami ni KATE sa divisoria. so weird. tas guess kung sinong customer namin?! si PARIS HILTON lang naman! wahaha.. tas inaapi-api daw namin siya. once nga may binili daw siya sa amin tpos binaba ko sa isang lalagyan yung shinopping niya tpos sabi niya sa akin na pasigaw kung bakit ko raw binaba yun dun. edi sinigawan ko rin siya na wag siyang maginarte dahil san ba siya nagsshopping, sa divisoria lang naman eh! tas edi yun nagtawanan kaming tatlo.

tas may second installment pa ang Paris Hilton dream namin. so parang naglakwatsa kaming 3 nila kate. ang-weird nga kasi parang laman ang diwa ko ng katawan ni Ashlee simpson tpos si kate ay nung isang finalist sa american idol.. hindi ko alam name eh. tas kumatok daw kami sa isang bahay tapos habang chinichika namin yung may-ari, pumuslit si Paris sa loob at nagnakaw ng 3 cherries! weird. o tapos bgo siya lumabas, nahuli siya kaya tumakbo kami.

last eksena with Paris. edi kumain naman daw kami tapos si kate, sabi nia may isshare daw siya. tas parang anseryoso nia talga. sbi ni kate, bababa daw from Baguio si lorine para kausapin kami na lumayo kay Paris. ayun..ewan angweird ah!

ay! naalala ko na ang pinakamahaba kong dream!

ayan pauwi na raw ako from sm tas nakatulog daw ako sa bus! at paggising ko, asa Valenzuela na raw ako. tas bumaba daw ako sa parang isang mall tas tinawagan ko si Papa para mgpasundo. edi pumasok muna ako sa mall. tapos naisip ko munang magbasa sa national bookstore. kaso, sa 2nd floor yung mga books. tas walang stairs sa loob ng store. so lumabas ako ng national at tinanaw kung san may stairs na malapit dun sa 2nd floor. tpos hindi ko mahanap yung stairs na nagllead sa 2nd floor ng national. kasi tuwing umaakyat ako, yung 2nd floor na napupuntahan ko ay isang lamay, as in patay. as in ilang beses nangyari yun. sobrang naffrustrate na nga ako eh! sa huli, hindi ko nakita yung tamang hagdan. pero nasundo rin ako ng tatay ko.

ayun..angweird.
well, yes, im that weird and i value strangeness!

"HE'S OUT TO PROVE HE'S GOT NOTHING TO PROVE"

waw! Napoleon Dynamite was a blast (pun intended)!

tawa kami nang tawa ni kimie habang si kate ay tulog sa kabilang couch! andaming weird scenes na parang tinatanong ko na yung sarili ko kung tama ba ang desisyon naming panuorin ito. pero in the end, natapos rin namin at iniwan niya kaming nakangiti ng kimie (habang si kate ay tulog pa rin!)

nakakarelate ako kay Napoleon! hindi sa weird niang mundo, hindi sa kanyang red afro... pero dun sa mindset nia na taking no responsibility of fitting in. dahil para sa kanya, lahat sila'y mga mumunting f*cking idiots/retarded lamang! (kahit butterfly pa sila, idiots pa rin! wahahaha)

(pero sana naman ay hindi ako kasing bano ni Napoleon sa portraits!)

sa mga di pa nakakapanuod, panuorin niyo!
tas abangan nio si pedro!
anggwapo nun!!


________________________________________
just take me back to the start

just a simple thought.
a deux.
murmuring into my ears.
elevates onto a ringing
surrealistically changing.
lost control somewhere
under the moon's grief,
zapped myself wholly.
and now all i can do is pray:
"omit thou away."
jab me to my awakening
and tell me to get lost.
show me the pits of these
overacity is indeed unnerving,
not to mention decieving.

drowing lang ang lahat!

i want a sudden change of image.

ginupit ko bangs ko! sadsad na siya.
maikli talaga.
pangit actually, pero masaya ako.
wahahahaha!

delikado talaga pag wala akong magawa!
hehehe..

pero pwede ko namang itago sa madla ang sadsad kong bangs kung gusto ko.
ang galing noh?
3-in-1 ang buhok ko.
parang kape.
mapait.

nonsense.

pinakita ko kay mama yung bangs ko tas tinanong ko sa kanya kung may nagbago ba. sabi niya, nagmukha daw akong 16 years old! hayyy..pathetic. isang taon lang ang nabawas sa age ko! nyihhh..

tapos sabi ko sa kanya, tignan niya yung pic kasi yun yung gusto kong gayahin na image. tas natawa siya ng malakas tas sabi niya:



"eh komiks yan eh!"


onga anna lee! gumising ka! drowing lang yan! eh bakit ba?! eh gusto ko talaga eh! tsaka drowing lang naman lahat eh. hah?! anggulo ko noh? onga.. parang ansaya kung drowing ka noh? pwede mong burahin ang mga mali sayo tapos pwedeng piliin kung sino partner mo, kung anung pose nio.. yikeeeeeee! hahaha.. ambaliw ko!

basta basta.. gusto ko ng bangs na sadsad.. huhuhu..kaso wala naman akong noo! Ruth! share..lagi kasi kayong nagrereklamo ni kate eh! hehehe

gusto kong bumalik sa pagkabata o kahit mas bumata man lang ang image ko! waaah! this is pathetic- to pursue something that contrdicts time, something that contradicts what the world conspires with. masyado silang makapangyarihan. gusto kong magpigtails! anung mga bagay ba tong mga pinag-iiisip ko?! ang-hirap kasi ng walang ginagawa eh!

<---finished product!
mukhang hindi successful! pero like what i've said, masaya ako!









_______
image by artgerm

get out of ignorance.

ignorance should just be a transition state. it should not be a point where anyone would reside.

considering the determinist point of view (that all things are caused by something other than free will), containing yourself in ignorance will make you left behind. because if you continue to be unaware of everything or even just something happening around or inside you, the possibility of being washed away by other people's endeavors will surely come too often.

so take my advice here and be vigilant.

because remember, those people who tell you that ignorance is a bliss are either ignorant people themselves or cruel people wishing that you remain one so that they can push you in anyway they want.

______
photo by kittynn

(nakakakonsensya lang magnakaw sa mga artists ng wala man lang acknowledgements eh.. hannah! mang-acknowledge ka rin! hehehe)

let's pretend this is postsecret.blogspot.com

tidbits

maliliit na piraso ng mga nakaraang araw (in no particular order)..

• nung friday, nagshooting sa amin ang Qtv tapos sumayaw ang baywalk bodies sa tapat ng bahay namin! OMG! andaming squatter boys na dumayo tapos hindi ako makalabas ng compound kasi susuungin ko kailangan ang daan na puno ng MABABANGONG mga bata... so great. eh nun pa naman, imimeet ko sila kate sa sm pero sabi ko sandali lang ako, pagdating na lang ako maliligo! gash! ambango ko pa rin kumpara sa kanila. GASH TALAGA!

• hahaha! ang gwapo nung kapatid ng bago kong tito (kakakasal lang nila!). itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang joseph ainza (tagung-tago ah!). angganda ng katawan! malamang payat, ako to eh, hindi si imma! pero pag wala siyang shirt, defined ang muscles!

• GASH! antanda ko na! kabilang na ako sa pwedeng sumalo ng bouquet! tas humirit ako sa photographer: "bata pa po kami, hindi pa po kami mag-aasawa!" at eto ang sagot sa akin:"ang bata, yung bagong panganak!" rarrrr.. at alam nio ba kung sinong nakasalo?! waaaaaaaaaaa! ako tas yung garter eh si joseph! waaaaa..

theoretically! yun dapat ang mangyayari kung hindi ako nag-follow up na hirit: "bigay nio na lang po sa kanila (dun sa isang bridesmaid na may jowa)!" tas utu-uto naman, binigay nga. sayang! may kiss pa naman! hahaha joke lang!

• my creative zen nano is eating my time. crunch crunch.. (bwahaha! nakakaadik!)

• yung chuva-chuva ko nung elem na bigla na lang nawala after ng grad namin ay ginoogle ko, tapos antaray! DOST scholar. tpos yung nanay niya na natapunan ko pa ng soup nung retreat namin ay councilor ng Lupao, Nueva Ecija.. alam nio ba kung saan un? samahan nio naman ako! please.. hindi pwedeng magpatuloy ang buhay ko ng di ko natutuldukan ang chuva-chuva na yon! yaaaaaack.. OA! SAMAHAN NIO KO!!! naniniwala na ba kau sa stalking powers ko?! clsu siya ngaun.. shit! sayang, walang people search sa site ng clsu!

• sa sobrang pagkadesperate ko, pati drowing book ginawa kong diary. yay! excited na tlaga akong mamatay para makita na ng madla ang secrets ko! wheee

heaven finally dropped my parcel-- colored pencils!

wheee..

i sketched this one last april 12th. i hate the guy's arm. somebody from deviantart commented that it looked uber short but im too lazy to fix it!

i know, i know.. the pose is weird.

_________________

"anyway, when the time comes, he'll just leave the job to pain once again. he'll make pain clot my wounds until my bleeding will subside due to the cold permafrost"

sa palagay niyo ba maiintindihan ng isang ten yr old girl yan? my sister read my drawing book, the one that served as my makeshift journal before. im so disturbed. i have to be a better sister to her or else.. or else.. i dont know.

(pay attention sa oras..haha)

lame attempt at vector.

hahahahahaha

SUMMER

whee!

it was not even a one nght stand.

i saw him once but i didn't fell.

i saw him twice and still i ignored him.

then, he saw me once. he saw each of us. innocence was all over our curious faces. and then he grinned, a devlish one.

and then finally, i fell, not in love but in the trap of reality.somewhere down the twisted road of my journey, i will eventually meet him, that we will face each other.

i figured that i must prepare myself. he must not caught me unwary.

once, twice, thrice, eternity.i tried. but i am an individual living in the comforts of the present.planning is not a part of my plans.

Oh, mister asyllogistic argument, why did you do this to me?why?!
why?!?!?!!?

you have destroyed the only dream i dream not because my heart screams it. you made me stay an hour longer just so you can indulge sucking up all the hopes i have. you almost gave a stiff neck. you made me go down the stairs staring up just so i can stop my watery eyes from pouring rain down my oily face. you almost made me cry while riding a jeep back to sm north. you even made me realize that the cash left on my pocket wouldn't be worth spending, because even money cant buy me passing grades for our dreaded meeting.

mr. asyllogistic argument, i have never met anyone like you. you are beyond compare-- from mr. patron-client approach, from mr. chiaroscuro, from mr. mcluhan. you, together with mr. quarks, you gained satisfaction as you watched me sigh in hopelessness.

how dare you!?